Your Mother Should Know

Okay, so I'll be the first one to admit it. I've been in a pretty crappy mood this past week and really nothing like my usual self.

In my own defence, I really believe I am justified though. I mean it was just this past Saturday that my girlfriend Rhonda told me she was leaving town in February for two years to attend school in New York City.

We've only been going out a couple months but in that time I have really gotten to know her quite well and have fallen for this woman. Of course I have not shared those feelings with her since this 'school business' is part of her plan and life long dream to be skilled and schooled in the art of fancy cooking. By me revealing my feelings to her would only make me look foolish and petty, since if I ask her not to go it would be like asking her to give up on her life's dream.

As a result, I have kept these feelings bottled inside and it's not been easy. While everyone around her is happily congratulating her on this next step, I am pasting on a fake smile and pretending to be my upbeat & supportive self. It's killing me.

I can't even share my feelings with one of my best friends Kevin, since Rhonda is his wife's cousin. There is no way I am going to chance that one, the circle is too small. We all hang out together and I would never want crap like that brought up.

I have found myself being very short tempered with folks lately. Whether they be clerks at the store, waitresses at the pub or even most of my friends and family, I have noticed myself being quite confrontational and argumentative. Not a good thing.

I don't think anyone has really noticed thankfully, however I do detect some tension in the air lately around everyone. Actually, I am not even sure about that, maybe it's just me imagining it. See I told you I am not myself these days. I hate this.

I was suppose to take Rhonda out this afternoon, but feeling somewhat down & depressed, I figured I would back out and say I was busy. It was a gloomy and bleak day outside anyway and my mood definitely seemed to reflect that.

I figured I should just stay home and watch TV and just be by myself. I turned on the television and the only thing on almost every channel was a Damn stupid fire burning in a fireplace. What the Hell kind of entertainment is that? Is that the best my cable company can do for Christmas programming? Yule log, my ASS. I was incensed. I angrily turned off the TV vowing to cancel my cable in the new year.

I then decided to go over to my parents place for lunch. Mom was making some turkey sandwiches with Christmas leftovers and invited me to come over earlier. If I couldn't be in good spirits these days at least I could hopefully put my stomach in a good mood.

I arrived rather early for lunch - about an hour or so, and plunked myself down at the kitchen table.

Mom informed me that lunch would not be ready for at least another hour and a half.

"Whatever", I responded slowly.

Mom explained she was still getting some gifts and ornaments ready for later on this afternoon when her charity group goes down to the old folks home for their annual Boxing Day party. She then went into painstaking detail about what goes on at this party including listing every persons duties that was involved with the afternoon.

I finally tuned her out about half way through as I definitely had absolutely no interest in this charity crap she was involved in. Anyway, I think we all heard about it in painstaking detail on Christmas day when I was here. She finally finished her extremely boring narrative and was looking at me, presumably for some sort of response or validation or something.

"Whatever", I responded once again, sounding both annoyed and tired.

Mom then looked over at me and exclaimed "I certainly hope you will stop acting liking a Dick soon"

I immediately sat up thinking I undoubtedly must have misheard my Mothers sentence and asked her to repeat her last statement.

Mom replied firmly "I said, I certainly hope you will stop acting liking a Dick soon"

What the Hell? I must be hearing things, Did my Mother just call me a Dick? No way, Mom wouldn't do that, she doesn't even swear, I must be wrong. I mean what kind of a Mother would call her only son a Dick?

"Mom", I asked innocently, "You didn't just call me a Dick, did you? Because that's what it sounded like"

"I'm sorry, Dear", Mom responded. "Is that not the correct term? I was sure I had got it right. All this new slang is a little confusing to me"

"No Mom", I responded very quickly. "I am quite positive that is NOT the word you were looking for. What were you trying to say?"

Just then the phone rang and Mom picked it up. By the sounds of the mundane conversation, it was my stupid sister on the other end of the line.

After a couple of minutes of totally boring and pointless conversation, my Mom was just about to hang up, she asked into the phone "Your brother is over here right now. What was that word you told me to describe him again?"

After Mom hung up, she turned to me and announced in a matter of fact tone that, "I did get it right, you are acting like a Dick"

I was horrified. My innocent elderly mother just called me a Dick. AHHHHHH!

"What are you saying Mom", I asked her sounding panic-stricken. "You can't say that about people, especially ME - your beloved only son".

I just knew my evil stupid sister had her hand in this, making Mom call me a Dick. I quickly jumped up, grabbed the telephone and called my sister.

My sister answered and before she could get a word in, I demanded to know what the Hell was going on and why she taught Mom to use such a vulgar term?

"Because you ARE being a real Dick these days", my sister yelled into the phone. With that she told me that she was busy packing for their trip to Disneyland and hung up on me, without even saying goodbye.

I angrily slammed down the receiver and sounding like a little 5 year old tattletale, looked over at Mom and said "Sis just hung up the phone on me, Mom."

Mom looked at me for a moment and then calmly asked "Were you acting like a Dick again, dear?"

I couldn't believe what was going on around me. With all the crap I am dealing with, now I have both my sister and mother calling me a Dick. I mean what the Hell is happening these days?

Before I could question anything further, my Mom started on one of her many narrative tangents.

"Of course, in my day the word Dick meant something quite different." Mom advised. "For instance you would call a store detective the 'Store Dick' which meant his job was looking for shoplifters or crooks. And of course there is the lovely pudding dessert called Spotted Dick or another example you could call a man who had the name Richard, Dick for short. It was quite acceptable. It was Dick did this and Dick did that...."

Before Mom could continue any further, I quickly interrupted yelling "Stop saying the word Dick", as I collapsed back into my chair and put my hands over my ears in an attempt to stop this horrible and unprovoked assault upon my hearing.

Thankfully before Mom could continue any further, Dad wandered in from the garage and walked into the kitchen. Common sense had finally arrived. Order would now most certainly be restored immediately.

Hoping for any ally I could get, I quickly looked at my Dad and desperately told him that "Mom has just called me a Dick"

Upon hearing my statement, Dad stopped dead in his tracks. He then looked at me for a moment, then over at Mom and then back at me.

Finally after about a minute of this, Dad quickly grabbed the newspaper off the kitchen table and exclaimed "Don't argue with your Mother, Boy"

With that, my Father hastily exited the kitchen and headed towards the TV room, paper in hand.

Mom then sat down at the kitchen table across from me and smiled. In her quiet & calm voice she simply said "My intent was not to distress you, let me explain Son"

"For the past week, ever since you found out that Rhonda was accepted to a school in New York, you have been acting like a spoiled little brat who did not get get his own way in something. You have been rude and dismissive to everyone around you, and that kind of behaviour is not acceptable even from a small child, let alone a grown man like yourself."

Mom's words were obviously well intended however she couldn't possibly understand the turmoil I was going through inside. As I attempted to change the subject however, Mom continued her sermon.

"I would expect an intelligent man such as yourself to deal with problems in a forthright and direct fashion. Look at the situation, analyze it and come up with some suitable solutions to it. You no doubt do that at your job everyday, undoubtedly you should be able to do it in your personal life. Also, if Rhonda is as kind and intelligent as you say she is, I am quite positive she is experiencing the same feelings as you are. The least you can do is sit down and talk things out with her. Whatever you decide however, you cannot continue to mope about like this and treat everyone around you in such a disrespectful manner. "

These last words seemed to hit home with me. Mom had made a good point, I deal with issues everyday at work in a logical manner. I could at least attempt to solve this using the same approach. I had not realized my lousy mood was so bad that it affected others this much. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself that I was oblivious to all those around me, including Rhonda and what she might be going through. I realized my Mom's words would not solve my problem but at least they put me on the right track to do it myself. I kind of felt a little stupid and embarrassed all of a sudden.

"I'm sorry Mom", I responded. "I didn't realize how much of a...a...Dick I had been these last couple of days"

Mom just laughed at my remark and told me that all was forgiven. "That is what Mothers do, Son", she advised. "However, after lunch I think you probably need to go out and apologize to a number of people and then go see your girlfriend Rhonda and work through this problem together. I am sure you both can come up with a few ideas if your relationship is meant to be"

With that Mom got up, gave me a hug and began making lunch. I looked out through the kitchen window and it noticed that the sun was now just coming out from behind the clouds.

"Stupid unnecessary imagery", I muttered to myself. But perhaps, just perhaps this might be a nice day after all, I thought.