Doctor My Eyes

The company where I am employed, as with many other high profile corporations, likes to be involved in a number of charitable events and programs throughout the year in order to give something back to the community in which they operate.

One of the largest recipients of our corporate donations is the United Way of Canada, which is an organization that is involved with numerous worthwhile charities within our city.

As employees we can become involved through financial donations via payroll deductions as well as events such as fundraisers and numerous corporate challenges. It is actually a very fun and rewarding way of raising funds in a team atmosphere.

One of the additional ways we collect money for the United Way is called "Casual Day" where a staff member donates money each week in exchange for being allowed to where their casual clothes to work each Friday instead of the corporate attire we see each and every day.

It is one of the single most popular programs offered.

Now this weekly "Casual Day" is a very good idea on paper however, from what I have been observing of late, it has become less so in reality.

Yes, much like putting lead in paint or asbestos in building materials, Casual Day was a good idea at the time but is turning out to be a very dreadful & horrid mistake. Well at least at my company anyway. Perhaps I should explain further.

You see a great deal of the staff seem to be confused with the theme of casual day. When we told the staff they could dress in casual attire they either misheard or misunderstood this directive and thought we said the theme was please "dress like a whore" day.

So as a result, each week I see a parade of leather, spandex, tank tops and halter tops wandering around our department.

Now as a normal straight & single male, I would definitely have no problem with this practice and in fact, would categorically be encouraging it. I wouldn't be complaining if it were the hot and attractive skinny ones dressing in this manner, Hell no!

Sadly though, this is not the case. Evidently all the hot ones in our office dress rather conservatively when it comes to casual day but the huge, fat old ugly ones, well that is a completely different story. They have taken on this day with a passion and these are the ones that are dressing in the manner in which I have described.

These unabashed rhinos wander around the office snorting & cackling in their disgusting tight fitting spandex each Friday without shame.

Their clothing appears to be painted on them as if they were going to see a Motley Crue concert back in the eighties, now with the complimentary bonus of both being 20 plus years older and having numerous jiggling & hanging fat rolls.

The whole spectacle is quite sickening and the only reprieve any of us unfortunate males in the office have is when these wretched cows all waddle out to forage for lunch for an hour or so.

When a few of us poor tortured males attempted to complain to whom we perceived as being a sympathetic hotter girl on our floor, she coldly responded "Well if it bothers you guys so much, you just don't need to look at them."

Sound advice on the surface however once again in practice, it just simply does not hold up.

You see I can only best describe it as being similar to a terrible car accident you encounter as you are driving. You know you don't want to look, you know you shouldn't look, but you do anyway, clearly against your better judgement. You must look, and there is where the problem lies. I can't control what I look at, and if these rhinos amble into my field of vision, I will undoubtedly observe them in their horrific repulsive state. It is tragically unavoidable.

So as much as I enjoy giving to charity and partaking in most of the social activities associated with them, I must now put an end to it all and demand our company put an end to this practise.

I have actually discussed this at length with a few others and if the company is not receptive to our request, we have come up with an alternative entitled "No Casual Day."

The theme behind it is relatively simple. Everyone must go back to wearing normal business clothes everyday with no exception. On each Friday when the "fatties" DON'T wear their casual clothes, all of us males on the floor will gladly donate money to the United Way. Everyone wins. The charity gets their money, all us males get to once again stop looking at the floor on Friday and work as normal and perhaps our eyesight may forgive us for their torture & once again return. It is a flawless plan, so wish us luck.

I guess the only losers in this deal is the "Tent and Awning" company that is getting rich off these women by supplying this atrocious so-called 'casual wear' to these fatties.

But clearly from what I have seen, they have already made a very "large" profit.

Being a very giving individual, before I go this week I will share with you a link to a photo giving you just a small sample of what our office is almost like. I can only caution you that this photograph is not for the weak of heart nor for those with a sensitive stomach. Please proceed with Caution.


Click with Caution

Not that I need anymore but, it is yet just another reason as to why I drink.