My Mom had already read the riot act to me on numerous occasions about me being more patient and tolerant to my recently separated younger sister.

It was Moms' assertion that, with two young children to raise as well as having a full time job, Sis didn't need her few spare hours filled with arguing & bickering with the likes of me.

I verbally agreed with Mom that I would try and 'tone things down' however......

I verbally agreed with Mom that I would try and 'tone things down' however......deep down I knew that nothing would change.  Sis and myself have been arguing for years like cats and dogs and her newly found lease on life was not going to change things to any noticeable degree.  Anyway in most cases in the past, Sis has been the true instigator of all of our disagreements.

At least that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it! 

It really didn't take long for things to flare up when this past Sunday; Sis began rambling on about her latest passion, this newest one being acting and amateur theatre.

Mom was being her usual supportive and encouraging self telling Sis that if this is what she is passionate about that she should take some classes and really see if it is right for her.

But for me, I couldn't remain silent.  Sis was far too flighty a person to stick with any one hobby or class for any noticeable period of time.  She really never follows anything through and basically has the attention span of a goldfish.

"You & acting?"  I began.  "That's a laugh.  What do you know about the theatre or acting anyway?"

"I've always loved the theatre."  Sis snapped back at me, in that nasally aggravating tone of hers which I can't stand.  "And anyway, for your information I have already been working with the community theatre for the past few weeks and they told me I have real potential!"

"Potential, my ASS!"  I replied.  "They probably just want to charge you for lessons or something.  Although, you could possibly play roles like a 'gimpy washer woman' or 'toothless old hag', but honestly I don't think there are many calls for those types of roles out there."

"Just shut up"  Sis responded angrily.  "You know absolutely nothing about the subject. If you recall back in high school I was in almost every play they had, and many times in lead roles."

"HAHA! Well time has not been very kind to you."  I retorted.  "If you want my advice,  you should wait until they perform a 'Mary Poppins' play, then you could act the role of the Chimney Sweep.  Now that would be damn good casting, 'Clean yer chimney, Guvner?'",  I announced mockingly, in a rather lame attempt at a Cockney accent.

"Shut up, you moron."  Sis fumed aloud.  "I didn't ask for your advice & I certainly don't need your help."

"Actually, upon reflection that may not be a good role for you at all."  I replied, pretending to have put thought into the topic. "It would be too big a stretch for the audience to actually believe you could fit down a chimney, any chimney.  Not believable whatsoever. HAHA!!"

Just then Dad wandered into the room with his newspaper tucked under his arm.  He sat down in his favourite easy chair expecting to be able to relax, but that was not to be as Sis went into her long drawn out story to him about wanting to work with the Community Theatre group & asked him if he would not mind babysitting the kids a few extra nights each week.

"Community theatre group?" I interrupted.  "What is that anyway? Do you mean you actually have a theatre group at the dingy community center over in your neighbourhood where that creepy old maintenance man was caught a couple of years ago exposing himself to people who were walking by?"

"No, of course not."  Sis responded, trying to explain.  "Community theatre is just the name, but it's really for the whole city.  The whole city is the community for our theatre group."

"Hmmmph" I reflected aloud.  "This whole thing sounds rather sketchy if you ask me.  Probably a front for a porn ring or something equally as vile.  Although why they would want you, I have no idea.  Perhaps to load the trucks or to hose down the set after all the 'real actors' are finished up for the day. HAHA!"

YouTube:  Sir Ian McKellen, On Acting

"Just please stop talking."  Sis replied, now realizing my witty remarks were not going to cease until she shut the Hell up.  She then looked over to Mom and Dad and suddenly asked about their neighbour, Mr. Robinson.

"Do you know if Mr. Robinson, down the street, is still actively involved in the theatre community?"  Sis asked.  "I know before he use to hold acting workshops & classes and was hoping to sign up with him."

"I'm afraid he passed away, dear."  Mom responded, sounding very saddened by the thought.  "It was last February.  He had a heart attack.  I am sure I told you both about it.  He had been living in that same house for years & that's where he passed on."

"Oh, that’s so sad"  Sis replied dejectedly. "I don't remember you mentioning it to me Mom.  I really liked him; he was always a very pleasant, easy-going man.  Always nice to us when we were kids too.  Poor old Mr. Robinson."

"AAHHH, that crazy old fruit."  Dad suddenly interjected with a wave of his hand.  "That guy was fruitier then Carmen Miranda's headpiece!"

"Simon! Please don't speak ill of the dead."  Mom responded, sounding almost horrified at Dad's callous remark.

"HAHA" Dad replied, laughing aloud.  "Believe me, I never spoke too well of him when he was alive, So why change now?  The crazy old fruit!"

"You have no proof he was a homosexual, that was just idle gossip."  Mom retorted, sounding appalled at Dads' sudden outburst.  "And even if he was, it makes no difference.  He was an honest, cheerful and nice man."

"Of course he was a fruit."  Dad replied, now seemingly getting some evil enjoyment from Mom's outrage.  "He was always one of those 'artsy fartsy' kinda guys.  They're all like that.  Anyway the first time I met him I could tell.  Shook my hand and it was limp.  Just like a dead fish.  It was just like I was picking up one of my breakfast kippers from off the floor."

I looked over at both Mom and Sis and they both seemed aghast at Dads' heartless comments about a deceased neighbour that they both apparently were fond of.  I thought it was hilarious and started to laugh aloud.

"Hey Dad"  I suddenly interrupted.  "You never told us that before.  "You always just said that 'Old Man Robinson' was a confirmed bachelor, and that was it."

"Well" Dad began, with a sigh. "Way back then when you two were kids, we never spoke much about those types of things.  Certainly not like they do now.  Never shut up about it these days.  I think I liked it much better before."

Mom and Sis had stopped listening to the conversation and were now talking with one another, with my sister every couple of seconds sadly muttering aloud "Poor old Mr. Robinson"

I knew I needed to get the last word in, just to keep this conversation even remotely interesting.

"HAHA, he's dead"  I teased Sis aloud.  "Dead like your dubious theatre acting career. And let me state for the record that both need to stay buried.  HAHA!!"

Even Dad got a chuckle over my last remark although he made sure that Mom did not hear it as he is well aware of the negative reaction he would receive.  After fifty years of marriage Dad was finally 'wising up'!

"Hey, here's a thought."  I continued, looking over at Sis.  "If you need some coaching, Why don't you practice a little and try acting the role of a good sister & get up and get me a cold beer from the fridge.  I'm a little parched after listening to all this crap you've been talking."

There was no response from Sis aside from a pillow suddenly flying towards my head, which I easily dodged.

Acting, bah!


Anji said...

I'm so glad I don't have a brother like you...

Jeff said...

LMAO! Keep her in her place

momsrus said...

i second anji's opinion - oh wait I have a sis like u...

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