It's Different for Girls

So I successfully 'freaked out' my sister and enraged my parents this past week without even really meaning to do so.

I routinely make it my personal pastime & hobby to make my stupid sisters life as difficult as possible, not because I dislike her, but more so out of habit.

She makes my life a living Hell whenever she sees fit and I in turn, do the same to her. We have both done this to one another for years and now we are both adults, nothing has changed.
Immature - probably, but entertaining - definitely!

I have currently given my sister a reprieve from this activity as she just had a baby at the beginning of July, and I figure out of respect to my new beautiful little niece Emma, I will lay off Sis for a month or two, just until she gets her strength back in order to make it a somewhat fair fight!

So we are all over all Mom and Dad's for dinner when the topic of "Celebrities and Scandals" is brought up.

Now normally as a rule both Dad and myself would immediately head for the nearest exit when such a ridiculous conversation is happening however on this fateful evening, we were awaiting our dessert of apple pie and ice cream after a great dinner and as a result were virtually prisoners to both Mom and Sis.

Not more of this crap!

"Well I think their behaviour is just terrible. Where are the adults in these poor young girls lives?" Mom said, handing Sis back the latest issue of the National Enquirer with stories on Paris, Britney and Lindsay.

Sis continued to read the latest story aloud about the Lindsay Lohan being arrested a second time for both drunk driving and drug possession.

She then in painstaking detail, reviewed both Paris Hilton and Britney Spears legal affairs & personal history over the past few months.

Mom listened intently to every word, only shaking her head periodically in disgust at the problems these celebrities get themselves into.

Both Dad and myself exchanged uninterested glances with one another, hoping the conversation would end quickly and our dessert would be served.

As their conversation seemed to be endless repetitious comments of "shocking" and "sad", I finally figured I would help them wrap up this little 'hen session' by adding my own personal final comments.

Unfortunately, I should have taken Dads lead and just kept my mouth shut.

"Well you know that all these girls; Britney, Paris and Lindsay are huge stars and role models for every young girl in the world." I began my ill-though out narrative.

"They have thousands of teen and pre-teen girls wanting to be just like them in every way and unfortunately it is a 'monkey see - monkey do' world for most of them."

"Just watch" I warned ominously, shaking a finger in the air for dramatic effect. "It's only my personal opinion, but I bet that in a few years all of these young girls will turn into 'booze swilling, pill popping dirty crack whores' where promiscuity is the norm and not the exception. It is just lucky for all our sakes that there is no young girls in our family or we should all really be worried sick!"

I knew my foreboding warning would quickly end the conversation as both Mom and Sis know that I can ramble on for hours. In fact, as I looked over at them they both appeared to have somewhat odd & fearful expressions on their faces.

And then I realized it.

I forgot about dear little Emma. The newest addition to our family & only a few weeks old. DOH!

Before I could attempt to retract my stupid words, Dad quickly interjected.

"What a damn foolish thing to say to a new mother!" Dad scolded. "Do you have any brains whatsoever, boy?"

Mom knew from many years of experience that Sis would take these words to heart, (being ultra sensitive these days) and immediately was telling her not to mind my words.

Too late. Sis started to tear up. Little Emma who was awoken by all this loud insanity, began to cry and that was pretty much the end of the evening.

Mom attempted to pacify the two girls as Dad got up angrily and left the room, muttering something about "there will be no dessert for any of us now, that's for sure."

I looked around and realized that I will never understand women, although I know that sometimes even I possibly can perhaps say the wrong thing at times. It happens rarely, but evidently it does happen.

I quickly & silently left the room & headed for home, stopping at the Dairy Queen for ice cream on the way. Just to soothe my conscience and contemplate life, of course!


Alex said...

I'm not so keen on the crack, but booze-swilling whores aren't so bad.

Tell those chicks to lighten up!

Anonymous said...

timing is everything

Blueyes said...

Sounds to me your sister needs to grow some. I mean her child is only weeks old? Obviously you were talking about the ones who are already watching all 3 of those celebrities and trying to imitate them.

Simply Bananas said...

I would have died laughing, maybe I'm just mean

Anonymous said...

What the wife just started yelling about how our three year old daughter is going to grow up to be a booze-swillin' crack whore because of the role models she has. I won't get any dessert tonight either!

Anonymous said...

"Dad got up angrily and left the room, muttering something about 'there will be no dessert for any of us now, that's for sure'."

Now that's hilarious.

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