Things have been pretty quiet and uneventful in my life this week so I thought I would take the opportunity to write about (yet another!) story from last year when I was working over in London, England.

The reasons I remembered this story today was because I just noticed that Facebook impostors are once again in the news which sort of loosely ties in with this story. The other reason is that this probably was the best office practical joke I had ever heard about in my life.

The thought and effort that was put into this joke was amazing and certainly I must salute my British friends for being so devious. It certainly has put any practical jokes pulled by myself and my fellow Canadians to shame, as all of ours have truly paled in comparison.

So it was Thursday February 14th of last year and I was sitting alone in our little coffee room going over some paperwork at one of the tables when a couple of other managers entered the room and plunked themselves down beside me. I can recall the date so well as that is what got this story started.

We began talking about Valentine's Day, etc. when suddenly Jack turned to Eric and asked, "Do you think we can trust this guy to keep 'the Valentines Day secret?'"

Eric, who is the Manager of our entire Desktop Support group and seemingly highly intelligent, looked at me in silence for a moment with a very discerning stare. Finally he got up and closed the door and returned to the table.

"Ok, he seems safe enough" Eric replied with an evil smile. "Just make sure this goes no further or we will all get the sack."

With that they both proceeded to tell me of the prank they pulled on the Deliveries Manager last year, which they timed specifically to coincide with Valentine's Day in 2007.

Apparently, this Deliveries Manager named Rob, was some difficult and miserable guy who was not only rude and overbearing to his staff, but also thought he was much more clever and brighter than any of the other managers within the company. Because he was younger and became a manager quicker then anyone else, he got the unfortunate idea in his head that he was "God's gift" to the company and, as a result, also showed little to no respect to his fellow managers.

"So you can see that this 'snivelling little twerp' who was so mad on power needed his comeuppance" Eric continued. "And who better to set this boy right other than me and Jack here?"

Jack then continued on with the story.

"First we created a Facebook profile for 'Rob the Nob' putting in all his correct personal data with a couple of minor alterations." Jack stated, starting to laugh. "We put that he was interested in meeting other 'gentlemen' for casual relationships and also had a nagging curiosity of 'being with' a ladyboy."

"From there it was easy entering in all the other 'gayarse stuff' and then joining every queer group on Facebook and then we linked his profile to gay clubs throughout London, after which we requested to be added as a friend to all his coworkers profiles who used Facebook."

Eric then chimed in as they both seemed very pleased that they could brag about their exploits to someone.

"I should mention that this Rob also fired my brother last year as well." Eric added. "I don't want you to go about thinking Jack & me are deranged or something. I actually did have that as another reason to completely loathe that little twerp."

I was somewhat surprised at Eric's last statement as I was actually thinking that both Jack and him were just a 'little psycho' from what they had already told me. He must have read the uneasy look on my face or something. He then continued.

"We then took a copy of his personal photo from the employee database with his work id and made some posters." Eric revealed, starting to laugh. "These were then placed above all the urinals in the Gents on every the floor with the caption: 'Need a hand? Call Rob at x1443 or anytime after hours at 999999' - HAHA, that got his mobile ringing with a few unwanted offers!!"

"And then just before the work day started we sent out a note using a spoof email program so it would look like Rob himself had sent it." Eric continued, still laughing. "We sent it to every email in the local office announcing that February 14th was not only Valentines Day but also 'My Coming out Day' which went on to proclaim he was no longer going to stay in the closet but rather was now 'loud and proud' about his homosexuality and open to 'discreet offers only' for liaison's."

I just looked at both Eric and Jack, starting to laugh myself. This story seemed too incredible to believe. Before I could challenge them about the 'truthfulness' of this entire prank, Jack began again one last time.

"Don't forget about the 'Singing valentine', I still have some photographs of that on my computer." Jack boasted. "Just to make sure everyone was aware of our prank, we hired one of those 'singing valentines', some guy dressed up as a Cupid in nylons, angel wings and makeup to come in and sing "Happy Valentines Day" to Rob in front of the whole bloody office. If they didn't think he was a 'fudge packer' before, this absolutely did the trick."

I burst out laughing once again; now realizing these guys were obviously making this whole thing up. They had to be, this was all too much.

"No way" I exclaimed. "I don't believe a word of it - this story is way too 'over the top' you guys went too far."

"Believe what you want, mate" Eric replied, getting up from the table. "Just don't mention it to anyone here. We still need our jobs."

Jack then spoke up. "It's all true. Come by my desk later and I'll show you the photographs of 'the queer Valentines Cupid'. It was a real laugh."

"Rob put on a brave face & pretended none of this even bothered him however, we both would like to believe our prank gave him a little nudge out the door sooner then he wanted to, but we did get the desired result. After our little joke, it seems 'Rob the Nob' lost any power he had, as no one could ever take him seriously again. He ended up quitting a few weeks later. But don't feel too sorry for him, he got a better paying job than the one he had here at this place."

"So you guys went to all this time, money and effort just because he fired your brother and was a pain to work with?" I asked, still chuckling at this whole story. "Isn't that a little excessive?"

"Actually it wasn't even Rob firing Eric's brother that caused all this." Jack advised. "You don't even much care too much for that brother of yours, do you Eric?"

"Nah, He's a lazy little puke, always has been and still is." Eric responded without smiling. "Got what he deserved in my opinion."

"No" Eric continued. The final straw was that Rob came in early each day and always finished the coffee pot and would never make any fresh. Drained the pot every day and then left it empty for the next poor sod. I was continually making it after him and then the one and only time I asked him very politely to make a pot once in awhile, he told me to 'Get stuffed, that was woman's work and therefore I was more suited to do it'."

Eric then concluded, "Well who ended up looking like a woman in the end? - HAHA!!"

I presumed that the only logical answer to his rhetorical question was 'Rob' however as I was just about to respond I noticed Eric heading over towards the coffee maker.

I looked around and noticed that I had taken the last cup left in the pot, without bothering to put a fresh one on. I quickly jumped out of my seat and pushed passed Eric to get to the machine before him.

"Look Eric, its almost empty - certainly not enough for another cup." I announced laughingly. "Let me just put on a nice fresh pot for you, since I took the last cup."

Both Eric and Jack started chuckling out loud and Eric turned to him and announced "These Canucks - hard workers. Nice blokes. You could learn from him."

I never did find out for sure if their story was completely truthful or not however, just to be on the safe side, I always remembered to make a fresh pot of coffee whenever I took the last cup.


Anonymous said...

Very Funny! I enjoy reading your blog!

Julia said...

Damn...If you were really curious you could always check facebook. I guess. But if I were you I'd just keep making the coffee.

Anonymous said...

oh what a funny story. sounds like he deserved it, being God's gift and all.

Anonymous said...

They made that up so you would make a pot of coffee every time you empty it..he he he, usual it made me laugh..but I hope no one would do that, it's unethical and immoral..God bless.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant story, very well written! And very funny - -there is a lesson here for all workers!

new illuminati said...

I find this story very disturbing. Maybe this is why I live in a rainforest and avoid orifices and multi-storys in general.
Control freaks deserve whatever they get - but the poor gay guys they 'put on' to Rob don't.
It reads well - if it's a story.

Anji said...

I'm not sure who was the one being wound up, you or Rob. Whoever it was, you know how to tell a story.

Anonymous said...

hello... hapi blogging... have a nice day! just visiting here....

Anonymous said...

You are such a great writer! You should have a book! LOL... I totally love it here...

Anonymous said...

haha it was not the end of the story that i wa thinking but its a good point always fill the pot after you lol

also thank you for being a top droper on my blog thanks.

Anonymous said...

Quite a story indeed. I take it you never saw the photos Jack offered to show you?

Ah well, not too concerned whether it's true or not, it's damn funny.

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