Surfin' Bird

OK, maybe it’s just me.  In fact, it must just be me because no one else seems to be complaining.

Twitter is just really beginning to get on my very last nerve lately and let me just say, I don't like it.

Sure you can sit back and argue it is the best & most revolutionary thing that is around in social networking today, and you would not be wrong.....

I think what I am starting to hate about Twitter is probably less the app itself and more the individuals that are now using it, although really both are equally guilty of agitating me lately.

Some of my main annoyances are things like:

1) A majority of Twitters recommendations on ‘who to follow' are celebrities

Why is Twitter being a big celebrity whore?  Does the application think that if it displays all the celebrities on the list, I will think it's super cool?

"Look at me, I have celebrities using my service, I must be the best!"

I say STFU!  Usually someone who is a popular actor is so because of good scripts and writing.  And it is almost always NOT their own writing.   

My personal view is that once there is no script for them to read from, these people are 'drier then dirt' and undoubtedly not worth following.

My New Rule of Thumb:  If the person has an 'Account Verified Button' on their account, it usually means that the person owning the accounts says 'I am going to type complete shite today and you people will follow me anyway, as I am a celebrity'.  If you look at any random individual or celebrity that has this, that statement almost always seems accurate.

2) Twitter recommends following people with locked or private tweets

WTF?  I mean usually if you follow someone on Twitter it is because you find their tweets somewhat entertaining or informative.  If some person, for whatever personal reason, chooses to keep their tweets private, why is the damn application recommending that I follow them? 

I have obviously never read any of their previous tweets.

This seems to me as simply sloppy coding & development on Twitters perspective.  Coders who have become arrogant and lazy.  A deadly combination for any software application.

I say FIX it, byatches!

3) Twitter assumes that I want to follow the same users as the people I follow do

Again, Why the Hell would I?  So I follow someone because they have said something of interest and now suddenly that is all I ever want to read about?

Are we such 'one dimensional' beings that we just have this single interest in our lives and therefore all 'like minded' individuals who share this one interest will now all be anxious to follow one other.   

Probably Twitter believes we will all get together and then will undoubtedly discuss this lone common interest endlessly.

Hmmm...seems a little short sighted & very limiting to me.  Stupid App!

 

4) People who follow me because I follow them

I look at those people who follow anyone who follows them as being kinda dumb.  I mean just because I am following you & find your tweets somewhat interesting does not mean that you should reciprocate and feel the same about mine.   

Me following you was not meant to make you feel guilty or obligated.  

No need to follow me unless you enjoy what I am saying.  I promise, my feelings won't be hurt. 

Yet one of the big Twitter rules of etiquette you read about from these so-called experts in social networking is always follow those who follow you.  Ridiculous!  (both the experts and that assertion)

 ( Peter from Family Guy & Surfin' Bird )

And my biggest pet peeve of them all:

5) People who pretend that their pet is tweeting

Aside from this being a really creepy idea to begin with, it is just plain stupid. 

If your smelly & mangy pet could actually comprehend the complex workings of the internet & then somehow learn to type, then open an account and send an actual tweet, it would certainly not be some amusing observation or anecdote about humans. 

Not a chance.  No, at best it would be some garbled & misspelled message probably about wanting food.

Let us remember that the average house pet has the equivalent brain power of an infant child.

I mean, lets think about this for a moment because clearly, up until now,  no one has.

The dynamics alone here are nearly incomprehensible for a pet to even attempt this.  With its paws, beak or fin to actually perform the necessary actions to create a tweet, I really think that they would look at these monumental challenges & simply give up & go back to scratching themselves or sniffing something they probably shouldn't be sniffing.

So yeah, these tweets are not amusing at all.  Just super creepy & annoying. 

So to the 'humans' who are masquerading as their pets online, please note that the Psych ward is undoubtedly going to be a big part of your future however take my advice today, and stop these irritating 'pet tweets'. 

These tweets are pretty much advertising your current state of mental health.  I think we all know you will be residing in an institution sooner rather then later.  No need to rush it, the nice men in the white coats will find you.

So in closing, all I ask of Twitter is to start giving me some variety on their short-sighted recommendations lists.  I mean with over 200 million Twitter users, one would think I would not see the same 'undesirable deadbeats' keep popping up on my suggested 'Who to Follow' list. 

Instead of lists of people who to follow, someone should create a list of people who NOT to follow.  You know, people you would expect to be quite interesting & witty but then turn out to be a complete and utter disappointment & waste of your time. (much like my tweets!)

Now there's a Twitter list of value.