Bridge Over Troubled Water

What a bunch of suckers!

I knew it all along. Not for sure mind you, but I have definitely always had my suspicions.

Of course I am talking about the revelation that the largest water bottling company Aquafina, announced last week that the water inside their fancy bottles come from the exact same source as tap water comes from.

There is also continued ongoing pressure being placed on many other bottled water companies by a group called 'Corporate Accountability International' to admit to the same practices as Aquafina.

I am thinking they will uncover a great deal of this as time progresses and personally I think it's great.

So why am I taking so much glee in this rather boring revelation you may ask?

Well certainly not because I have anything against the bottled water companies, far from it. I could care less what trough they dredge up their products from as I never buy any of the crap.

No, I am pleased to finally prove to those suckers that have been buying these products and guzzling it down their necks, acting like they are better than the rest of us.

You know the ones I mean, those pretentious 'holier than thou' folks that walk around with their fancy water bottles with pictures of glaciers and mountain streams on them, looking down their noses at all of us 'tap drinkers'.

"I don't know how you can drink that stuff." they announce loudly at the office. "Tap water is so full of germs and bacteria. I feel so much healthier drinking this '$2.00 store bought; filtered from a glacier high in Alaska' water."

Well my only response to this now is "In your face, Whacko."

You have been drinking the same water as me all along, just from a different container. A rather much more expensive container, by my estimations.

As you can undoubtedly tell by now, I am rather a petty man. One that takes joy in the little and insignificant victories that I may stumble across in life. Ok I admit it, you're right. It's true. But what can I do, that's me.

Just to give you an example of this pettiness that I speak of, I will tell you of a little experiment I attempted a couple years back at the office.

After listening to those pompous 'bottled water drinking people' that I described above for months on end, I finally decided to conduct a little test of my own.

I stayed behind at work one night and waited until everyone else had left the office for the day. (this was no easy feat for me as usually I'm out the door at the stroke of 5:00. Some of these damn fools stay till like 6:30!)

Once I was sure everyone had gone, I snuck down into the staff lunch room and emptied the 'bottled water' tank bottle. I then carefully took the bottle and re-filled it with water from the tap and cleverly replaced it. (this took much longer than I had anticipated. Had I known in advance the amount of effort this was going to take, I probably would have abandoned the idea straight away)

All the next day the dedicated bottled water drinkers were happily slurping down the so-called 'nasty tap water' without a care in the world.

When I finally confronted them and told them of my actions the night before, not one of them would believe me. It was terrible.

"No one is that petty and ridiculous to do such a stupid thing as that." was the usual response I got from everyone.

I tried to convince everyone that I was indeed both 'petty' and 'ridiculous', but to no avail. It fell on deaf ears and no one believed me.

My experiment was a bust. A total waste of time and energy.

Actually that is not entirely true, one person did believe me. That lone person unfortunately was my retired father.

"That's hilarious, boy.'" He cackled after hearing the entire story. "I believe every word of it since I know how trivial and juvenile you can be. It certainly comes as no surprise to me whatsoever. Would you like me to come down to that office of yours tomorrow and vouch for you?"

"Errr, no thanks Dad." I responded slowly. "That won't be necessary. But thanks for believing in me.....I think."

So now a couple years later, I am finally vindicated. Sweet!



Fizzgig said...

That's pretty funny that no one noticed!
I like distilled water. But I do my own at home. My water tastes like rusty nails on ice. Mmmm.

Anonymous said...

I just get the empty bottles and fill them up with tap water and walk around acting Aquafina has gone and ruined it for me..DAMN

Nancie Neal said...

I typically buy bottled water when I have forgotten my own water going out. I have my own filter since I grew up on well water and now have to deal with the chlorine taste in this water (which I don't care for). I'll fill up two Nalgene bottles and drink out of those.

Angie said...

That is great! I've always been a tap water drinker. It just doesn't bother me. It's ridiculous to me to spend so much money on bottled water.

The joke has always been that all that water comes from the tap, and now we know.

abby - the geek girl said...

I can drink the tap water here as long as it has ice... it has a strong sulphuric smell when I first turn on the tap and often that makes me reach for my bottled water... which I have because I am always on the go and drink at least 5 bottles a day.

As a sidenote... your blog is hilarious

pamela said...

sure it may be tap water but think of the crappy old pipes it could be running through....

Anonymous said...

Hate to break it to you but Aquafina (and all of the other bottled waters) is purified to remove all of the crap and chlorine after it is removed from the public water source.

Sure they all come from the same source as the kitchen sink but purified water is . . . DUH . . . PURE!

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